Making proper amends is hard work, even for someone with a relatively healthy personality. But it’s a particular challenge for someone with narcissistic traits in their character.

Whether we’ve hurt someone else intentionally or unintentionally, repairing a damaged relationship is often a slow, delicate, and painstaking process. It’s not the kind of undertaking that narcissistic characters are prone to engage in very willingly or enthusiastically. Depending on the type of narcissism a person has — the more “neurotic” or “vulnerable” vs. the more character-disturbed or “grandiose” type — and depending on how much of that narcissism is in their character, the extent to which they’re capable of making the kind of amends that can truly bring healing can vary considerably. The following vignette (with potentially identifying details altered to ensure anonymity) will hopefully demonstrate some of the challenges a person with more “vulnerable” narcissistic features in their personality can face when needing to make amends.

Arnie knew he would have a lot of explaining to do. After all, his wife Karen had to read about the ugly incident in the newspaper, and that alone was cause enough for much embarrassment. Arnie could barely believe what had happened. Most of his flirtations were perfectly harmless — at least that’s what he’d always told himself. After all, he only flirted to boost his ego, as had long been his need. Arnie, you see, had never quite gotten over the ridicule and putdowns he suffered as a puny, pudgy youngster with the funny looking teeth and the “geeky” bookworm persona. So when he emerged in young adulthood as fairly good looking and talented graduate of a prestigious business school, he had a lot to prove to the world about his worth. People would no longer make fun of him, he would see to that. In fact, they would adore him. He’d learned the secrets to making that happen. He knew how to charm, seduce, and to sway. And in his flirtatiousness, he never really wanted to hurt anyone, especially Karen. After all, it wasn’t so much that he really wanted to have anyone else. Rather, he was out to prove that he could have them, that is, if he really wanted to. That’s all it really took to feed his ego. But this last time he picked the wrong person to come on to and he also went too far. A complaint was filed against him, and because of the prominence of his position, it made news. Now he would have to explain to Karen, and he’d have to clean up the mess he’d made of their relationship.

This is only half of the article, you can find the rest here:

If you are so inclined, please check me out at or

I would appreciate getting feedback