“You cheated, you lied, you said that you love me,” the song goes, and a lot of people are saying it, too.

So you found out your love is untrue. Now what? Maybe you suspected it all along, or for quite some time, or you had no idea whatsoever—but it’s here now. And it stinks.

Can you ever trust again?

Can you ever stop being so angry?

Can you ever get over it and move on?

The soul-crushing effects of infidelity are hard to live with, much less live through and leave behind. Who has the power to do that?

When someone you trust tramples you emotionally, with or without warning, it may not feel like there’s much left after that. But you still need to go on living—for yourself, for your kids (if you have any), for your family, for your future.

What can you do? What should you do?

You can break up. For many couples, that seems like the simplest and most logical outcome. You can stay together but live as though you’re not. You can try to repair and reawaken your relationship.

I don’t think any of these options is easier than any other. They are all hard.

If you don’t have kids and don’t have to see each other and plan and work together, going your separate ways might feel like the best, cleanest option.

If you stay together but live as though you’re apart, perhaps for the sake of children, life can get increasingly complicated. It is an option, though.

If you stay together and try to reawaken your relationship, you have to work hard—both of you—every day to find yourselves together, to regain your footing, to make new psychic space for yourself and for each other. You need to address what happened in a constructive way that simultaneously acknowledges the hurt inflicted and explores the cracks in the foundation that ultimately led to the infidelity. This is most effectively done with the support of a trained couples therapist.

You can find the other half of the list here: http://bit.ly/1UmVmc5

If you are so inclined, please check me out at http://www.defeatanxietynow.com or http://www.humanbehaviorwhatatrip.com

I would appreciate getting feedback from you.