Have you ever had an argument with a loved one? Maybe it was with your spouse, your parent, your sibling or a friend? Disagreements happen. You are not always going to agree with your partner and some of the other important people in your life. How the disagreement is dealt with can determine whether your relationship will grow weaker or stronger. Having a healthy argument can have a positive result.

Some people believe that happy couples do not argue. That is not entirely true. Happy couples do argue but they argue in a healthy way and their relationship can get stronger because of it. Sometimes, in a relationship, if there are no arguments it is a sign that there is a lack of communication and possibly a lack of commitment. The absence of arguing is not what makes a happy relationship; it is how you argue with your spouse. Keep in mind that each person in a couple is also an individual with their own opinions, perceptions, feelings and thoughts. So it makes sense that you are not always going to agree on everything with your spouse.

Can couples argue in a healthy way? Yes! It is important to know that you can have a conversation where both you and your spouse can feel safe enough to express your feelings. Being honest about what you are thinking, in a respectful way, can result in you being heard. Being heard is extremely valuable!

Tips to Handling Conflicts in a Positive Way

  • Timing is important. Make sure it a time that both you and your spouse can concentrate on the concern. Be cautious of picking a time when your spouse needs to leave to go somewhere, is very tired or any other time that could hinder the conversation.
  • It is important to remember that timing can make a difference but also try to discuss things within a reasonable amount of time.  Waiting an extended period of time can be frustrating and then you might explode in anger.
  • Focus on one topic at a time. Bringing up several issues can get overwhelming and leave the other person feeling like they can’t do anything right.
  • If you resolved a past issue, leave it in the past. Staying in the present and trying to discuss the concern can help the present and the future.
  • Any hot topic should have a gentle beginning. Start with your feelings about your concern and how it affects you.  Do not verbally attack your spouse. Remember you are having a conversation with the person you have chosen to live with for the rest of your life.

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