Five year old Amy had a new game, introduced by her father.  He would tickle Amy who liked it at first, but when the tickling became more than she could bare, the father’s sadism ratched up his intensive tickling.  Mother, hearing the noise and being concerned about Amy’s wellbeing, attempted to squelch her husband’s cruelty. The wife took a rather lazy approach.  She didn’t demand he stop the abusive tickling.  She merely let her husband know that he was “overdoing it” and left it at that.

Amy was in a bind.  She liked the tickling up to a point, but when her sadistic father continued to tickle her beyond what she wanted, mother and father went flat, and left Amy with not enough protection.  Amy became angry at her parents who dismissed and minimized her being angry at her parents.  Guess which parent she was angrier at, mom or dad?  The answer was mom.  Mom wasn’t willing to protect Amy no matter what the cost to her husband and their marriage. From Amy’s point of view, father was cruel and mother wasn’t willing to stand-up for Amy.  The parent who isn’t invested in protecting the child is the one the child is most angry at.

Amy’s father was sadistic with Amy.  Mother took the role of passivity and not shaking this family.

As time went on, mother and father became less connected.  Mother became more aware of her husband’s sadism.  His cruelty was “petty” in some people’s eyes, but the degree of his cruelty was below what the law would do anything about.

By the time Amy was in high school, her parents divorced.  She had some degree of loving feelings for her parents, but inside her she carried her five year old anger toward her parents who couldn’t help her.  She pushed her anger down, and lived with depression and anxiety.

When Amy was in her early twenties, she married and a year later had the first of two children.  Her first child, a girl, was not to be like Amy as a child.  Amy came across Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy.  Her therapy was deep and relatively quick.  Twenty hours of work and she no longer had problems with depression and anxiety.  She came out of therapy knowing about her feelings and impulses.  Her children, now in their early teens, learned from their mom and dad, that they could be aware of their feelings and impulses and share them with people who wanted to know about them without walls getting in the way.

Amy’s journey has been full of pain and pleasure.  I’m so glad her life is basically a stable and self-assured person who can withstand all her real feelings and be alive to enjoy her life.

This is Dr. Jonathan Brower letting you know that I hope this slice of life can be of some use for you.  Should you want to call me, please reach me at 818-707-4557.