Six year old Ruby is playing a board game that fits her age and her brother, nine year old Mort, and their mom, Octavia.  Ruby, being highly competitive and wanting to win and shine, decides to cheat.  Mort alerts mom that Ruby is cheating.  Mom once she knows her daughter has cheated becomes stern and tells Ruby, “Go to your room until I tell you that you may come out.”  Ruby is angry at mom.  From Ruby’s point of view, cheating in the game is no big deal.  Mother Octavia has this picture of her daughter becoming a savory character.  Octavia appears to have strong emotions once she knows her daughter got busted for cheating in what was supposed to be a nice play game.

Clearly, Octavia’s reaction to six year old Ruby seems a bit overdone.  What’s keeping mother Octavia so quick to banish her daughter from the game?  And what’s with nine year old brother Mort and his feelings about being so invested in his sister cheating?  Father, comfortable in “his seat” watching the basketball game, seems oblivious to the other three people.

Let’s take a look at how four people in the den of their house might have had a chance for a better outcome if they could have been more proactive.

Six year old Ruby is highly invested in showing how she can win at game whatever you want to call it.  Ruby, generally, wants to be seen as the “achiever” who can win and be smart.  Ruby’s ONLY six.  Her mother is thirty-six.

Mother Octavia could have asked Ruby, “Honey, why did you want to cheat?”  Ruby might have answered, “So I could win.” Mom, asks, “What’s so good about winning?”  Ruby gets stumped and declares, “So people will see me as smart.”  Mom, smiling at Ruby, offers the idea that “you don’t have to win the game.  I know you are smart and sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t.”  Ruby only sort of gets the idea.

Mother offers another idea, something that is way out of the box.  “What if, Ruby, we play games where we all can cheat as much as we want to? Does that sound fun?”  Ruby, with her eyes lighting up, declares “it might get confusing.”  Mom agrees, “Yes, it could be chaotic.”  Ruby asks, “What does chaotic mean?”  Oh, honey, it means that it gets too confusing and then the game isn’t much fun.

Mort, the nine year old, really doesn’t care about winning the game; he’s just there because he wants to be with his family.  Nevertheless, he dislikes his sister’s trying to cheat.  He wants mom and dad to love him just because he is Mort.  But Mort doesn’t tell this to mom and dad.  He keeps it hidden.  Mort’s the kid who doesn’t generally make big deals about stuff, but when he has to declare to mom that Ruby is cheating within the game, we get a glance of what Mort is missing with his mom and dad.

Dad, the fourth member in the den, has been transfixed with the basketball game.  He’s pretty much an outsider most of the time with the other three.  How much, if at all, did he take in when hearing his wife and kids talk about what was going on with their threesome?

All four human members of the family need some help.  But they don’t do anything about it.

This is Dr. Jonathan Brower saying Good bye for now and remember; YOU can do WHAT you need to do to make your life authentic and gratifying for you.