A Slice of Life – with Jonathan J. Brower, PHD #jonathanbrowerphd

Communication more than Words

People cannot not communicate. They may refuse to utter sounds, intelligle or otherwise, but they communicate, nevertheless. Constantly we are sending signals, not only with our word, but also with our body posture, facial expressions, breathing patters, dryness/moistness and temperature of our skin, hair style, cosmetics, clothing, jewelry, hobbies, interests, occupations, friends, political and social activities, state of health, and on and on and on. We are like large sponges, saturated with billions of communicative drops. At any given moment a good deal of our “telling moisture” is there for others to see.

We may try like hell to hide our feelings, but some kind of tension is given off at some level for the perceptive onlooker. Often we don’t trust our perceptions of others when we see their words. We are bombarded by communicative stimuli from others; we choose to be selective as to what we notice and what we’ll believe.

It is not uncommon to hear someone lament about an unsatisfactory relationship with a comment such as, “We don’t communicate anymore.” On the contrary, they are communication, but the avoidance of one another brings up unpleasant, uncomfortable feelings. It’s easier to label this as not communication than to deal with what is being communicated.

Possessing the ability to have all communicative systems matching and in sync is the sign post of an honest, non-gamey communicator. The person who is comfortable enough to be the way they feel will project a consistent package. Such honesty and consistency, however, often is met with discomfort by others.

The communicative signals we give off are not necessarily accurately perceived by others. It is most common for people to read into others’ signals what they want or need to see. The quiet, withdrawn, and severely shy person may be seen by others as a rejecting, stuck-up snob. The situation can get awfully complicated and muddled. People continually give off communicative signals that telegraph how they really are feeling, yet others often misperceive these signals because of their own social psychological states.

We adults in the western world generally rely on words when communicating with others. We tune out, or regard with suspicion or denial, our sense of another’s non-verbal communication, especially when it goes counter to the words. As we gain language skills in our formative years we seem to let go of our fundamentally sound sense of non-verbal cues. The sounds that come out of our mouths are telling signs of our personality. But equally or more telling are all our systems of communication. To be able to pay attention, perceive and respond to all our levels of communication offers us a richer and more fulfilling understanding of ourselves and others.

Should you wish more information please contact me by email at jbrowerphd@yahoo.com.